The Ayatollah and I just celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary. To mark this occasion, he took me for a romantic dinner at a very nice restaurant (that he had carefully selected) and presented me with a very beautiful set of earrings.
I proudly showed them to my girlfriend and she mentioned how ”lucky” I was, that he has such good taste. Despite many, many years together, HER husband still didn’t quite manage to find presents that suited her taste; ”You’d think he KNEW me after all these years but then he brings me something with amber in it. AMBER for fuck’s sake. What am I – a librarian? Doesn’t he know me AT ALL?”
Before she got to retelling – for the n’th time – the story about the time he got her a gift card (known as “Gift Card Gate” AKA “the Crisis of Christmas 2010” AKA “the Gift Card that Stole Christmas-Sex ”), I explained…
I get great gifts because I am very specific about what I want. Pointing-in-the-catalogue-emailing-item-numbers-sending-links-from-web-shops-specific.
From the beginning of our relationship he was always very generous – and a bit off the target. So because he likes to give me presents and I like to receive them, I quickly became rather specific about what might make me happy. No need for him to go about with guesswork. Let’s be honest here: While some men are great at finding that one-of-a-kind thing that sums up your entire relationship and how precious you are to him – others (like my gem of a husband) are great at going out and buying what they are told STRONGLY suggested. (OK – in the first version of this, I wrote “told”. But none likes to be told what to do. So don’t be bitchy about it – just specific.)
”Not very romantic”, you say? I think it is keeping it real. Calibrating expectations. Studies (empirical!) show that a real source of conflict in relationships is disappointment that the other part did not read their mind – “after all these years, s/he ought to know”.
Fuck that.
Being specific about what I want increases the likelihood that I might get it.
(This strategy can also be applied with successful results in other areas of life, BTW.)
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Amen!