I know a little old lady named Martha. She must be in her late 70’s or (gulp!) EIGHTIES by now!? She is a fun-loving’ gal, fond of bearded men and Scottish whiskey. She won the Newport Seafood and Wine Festival’s oyster-eating competition several times. She is as tall as a stack of cookies, has white, short hair and an impressive bossom. I know this, because she is not afraid of flaunting her goods – in fact, I remember sitting at a nice restaurant, when she flashed her boobs, much to the delight of the entire party. I guess we were drinking??… Well, I forget the context but somehow, it underlined some point, she was making. She was then in her 60’s.
When I was 16, I visited her house, and completely fell in love with a little Pop-Up book of hers. I had the audacity to put in it – in the back, a note that read: ”Cinda’s, when Martha dies. (I love you!)”
A couple of weeks ago, I was with mutureal friends, and I recieved a small parcel. Yes, it was the book. In it was a sweet note that said: ”Why wait ’till I die?!”
So here, in honor of Martha, my sweet friend, is ”There was an Old Lady”
(As retold by Nick Bantock)
…
There was an old lady
Who swallowed a fly.
I don’t know why
She swallowed the fly.
– Perhaps she’ll die?
There was an old lady
Who swallowed a spider
That wiggled and wiggled
And tickled inside her
She swallowed the spider
To catch the fly.
I don’t know why
She swallowed the fly.
– Perhaps she’ll die?
There was an old lady
Who swallowed a bird
But that’s absurd
To swallow a bird!
She swallowed the bird
To catch the spider
That wiggled and wiggled
And tickled inside her
She swallowed the spider
To catch the fly.
I don’t know why
She swallowed the fly.
– Perhaps she’ll die?
There was an old lady
Who swallowed a cat.
Well fancy that,
To swallow a cat!
She swallowed the cat
To catch the bird
She swallowed the bird
To catch the spider
That wiggled and wiggled
And tickled inside her
She swallowed the spider
To catch the fly.
I don’t know why
She swallowed the fly.
– Perhaps she’ll die?
There was an old lady
Who swallowed a dog!
She swallowed the dog
To catch the cat.
She swallowed the cat
To catch the bird
She swallowed the bird
To catch the spider
That wiggled and wiggled
And tickled inside her
She swallowed the spider
To catch the fly.
I don’t know why
She swallowed the fly.
– Perhaps she’ll die?
There was an old lady
Who swallowed a HORSE!
– She’s dead of course!
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