I was at the airport, bored, bookless and hungry for light entertainment, when 50 Shades of Grey called my name. ”MORE THAN 70 MILLION COPIES SOLD WORLDWIDE” the back of it boasted.
49 Shades of Grey.
The plot is just one level over that of a porn movie. Basically, we just need to set a scene, so we can get to some action. But here goes:
Innocent – in every sense of the word – literature student Anastasia Steele (!) meets the out-of-this-world sexy and successful young entrepreneur Christian Grey, and soon their instant attraction leads to them taking up a relationship, where he introduces her to the world of sex in general and S/M in particular. Despite a whirlwind romance filled with an unbelievable (as in I don’t believe it!) number of vaginal orgasms, her need for lovey/dovey and for him to open up about his feelings/ his traumatic childhood clash with his need for control and his emotional unavailability. She ends up leaving him to the utter despair of both of them. The end. (Hint, hint: Buy the next one, it is a series!)
Is it great literature? Well, define ”great literature”! 70.000.001 copies sold is one parameter for success!
Was I entertained? Hell yeah!
Was I turned on? Yes.
Did I laugh out loud at times: Yes!
Did I get annoyed with how poorly it was written at times too? Yes.
Am I over-using the rhetorical questions? Yes.
Am I? Yes.
Really? Yes. Cut it out.
But what is interesting to me is that I believe I have now identified the recipe for literary success! I couldn’t help but notice some very strong parallels to another great hit in the world of romantic Mommy/chick lit: Stephenie Meyer’s Twillight saga! (More than 220 million copies sold.)
You heard it here first: The Recipe for literary success:
You take a heroine and give her a slightly pretentious European-sounding name with a more acceptable short form ( Anastasia/Ana and Isabella/Bella). Make sure she is a virgin (until she is most definitely not!). She has to be unconventionally beautiful, brunette but she may not perceive of herself as pretty (”You really don’t see yourself very clearly”). She has never been in love before, although she has plenty of awkward suitors to give our heroes something to be (totally unnecessarily) jealous about.
She has to be more than usually clumsy, but also kind, caring and sweet. She gets so caught up in her own brain fog that she completely forgets to eat – often (I noticed this because that has never happened to me) and then has to be reminded by her worried boyfriend.
She does not live with her mother, although she is on good terms with her. She has an awkward yet loving father and continues to act in ways that surprise our hero – making him ”wish he knew what she was thinking”.
And the hero:
Our hero is obscenely wealthy, excruciatingly handsome, ”unobtainable” and dangerous with a dark secret and –despite himself – unable to stay away from our heroine, because he is so madly in love (and he “never thought he would feel this way”).
His perfect family is very happy to finally see their beloved brother/son with a girlfriend. He drives fast, expensive cars and always wants to lavish his girl with expensive gifts. Our hero is respectful and protective, very competent, expert piano players of the romantic variety and have a signature crooked smile he saves just for our heroine.
In both installations, the sex is out of this world. Our gals are left sore but happy – like after a good workout, only this one takes place in the Fitness World of the Vajayjay. Meyer is not very specific when it comes to the sex scenes, while James has us witness everything fra A to Ze’ pulling out (as zhey zay in Germany).
So. That’s the recipe. Get writing gals!
(I’ll take 5% of all revenues and a dedication in the front of the book, thanks!
It is spelled C-I-N-D-A-F-U-C-K-I-N-G-R-E-L-L-A)
…
More on 50 Shades of Grey here (and everywhere!): http://www.eljamesauthor.com/books/fifty-shades-of-grey/
More on the Twilight Saga here: http://thetwilightsaga.com/
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