This piece is part of a creative writing challenge “The Cindafuckingrella Write Off” with the theme: “Life”
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By Tanja Skarnager
The past year I have been on a long and extremely challenging journey. This is my personal encounter of what happens when you realize that the course you had set out for yourself, turned out to be wrong. It will focus on the importance of listening to your gut feeling – the human body is extremely wise.
During the spring of 2012, I was leading a “normal” life compared to my peers: Two small children, a career job, husband with a career job, training for a ½ marathon, trying to be a good mother, wife and friend. A busy schedule one could claim. I did not know how to relax; I was constantly in high alert. I completed the ½ marathon and on that day I could actually just lay on the couch, totally relaxed – a feeling very unfamiliar to me. It took the effort of running 21, 0975 km to wind me down!
While I was struggling to keep up with my to-do lists, I had this inner voice screaming at me. It kept saying “if only some would let me have all of September off…” That thought became overarching and kept bugging me to take action on something. I did have a vague idea of what was needed, but that would require major changes to my life.
I was desperately seeking advice on how to tackle my life and none of my friends were in the same stage of the life cycle as I was. No one genuinely understood my concerns and chaotic mind. So, I reached out to a person whom I knew had the life experience I lacked. I needed guidance. This meeting turned out to the starting point to very challenging journey.
In August, I had a stress collapse and was off work for 3 months. The sweet irony of my inner voice – I got all of September off!
Today, I’m in great shape and grounded as hell. I’m starting to accept how my life needs to be, if I want to get the best out of it. I’m cutting loose of the ties that keep me from being happy and grounded, although it means letting go of old expectations and plans. I need to be brave and trust the gut feeling that’s directing me on to a new path. I’ve learnt my lessons of NOT listening.
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