I Dream of Cuba

There are several of people in my life, that always ask me – as the first thing whenever they see me: “Hey, did you lose weight?”

Now, I weigh too much. It is obvious to me and to the rest of the world;

YES – I FUCKING WEIGH TOO MUCH!

For aesthetic and health reasons, I ought to lose weight. I have been struggling with weighing too much for all of my adult life and it REALLY is no picnic. Prone to yo-yo-weight, sometimes, I do – in fact – lose weight, and can answer:
“Yes, I did lose weight” to those people who (motherfucking) keep asking me, but most times, I say:

”Ehm, no…”.

Followed by awkward silence.

And then they’ll say:

“Well, you look great.”

And then I’ll say:

“Thanks” and think:

“Did I look bad the last time she saw me?”

It is a shameful thing, to weigh too much (in my part of the world). It is a fucked-up shameful and sad thing. It is my private curse and personal pain and yet, I have no hesitation to write it out loud. Both because I actually really like myself despite the flab, but also because I know for a fact that I am not alone. Most of the women I know are unhappy about some or other aspect of their bodies. (That is one of the saddest sentences I have ever written.)

Then yesterday, I watched a documentary about Cuba. In Cuba they don’t have a lot of things; no private property, no free market and NO commercial marketing. This means no photoshopped ideals that promote having a BMI of 3 as desirable.

You could tell that the female Dutch documentarist was completely awestruck by these women’s attitude towards their bodies. Several things struck me too:

• No matter what shape, hight, size or age – these Cuban women flaunted what they had.
• They loved themselves first. They didn’t look for their affirmation from an outside source, they gave it to themselves.
• Everyone was really explicit about delivering instant feedback: As we saw a couple of women passing some guys on the street, the men were saying things only very poetic constructions workers would think of saying in my part of the world – and the women were not shy about returning the compliments – and dirty offers.
• They had their priorities straight: Food and sex. “In other countries, they like to work a lot. In Cuba, it is all about food and sex”, said one woman. The ones around her nodded in agreement. [Camera cut to laughing people in what appears to be an orgy of roasted pork and people dirty dancing.]

Related posts:

Skinny Genes

My Life with a Very Big Ass

A Woman’s Right to Shoes