I am really not very quick to pick up on trends. I always watch old movies and read last years’ best sellers. In school I was always last to know about who kissed who and I don’t even pretend to follow music or fashion. Then I stumble across something and I’m all excited and everybody goes: Well, we knew that.
Huh?
So here is something I wish somebody had told me sooner. (Shit, what else don’t I know about?)
I already told one friend, who didn’t know about it and I think I might have changed his life! Now, I am happy to tell you, in case you hadn’t heard:
There is something called being Highly Sensitive. Being a “Highly Sensitive Person”, abbreviated “HSP”. It is a personality type as opposed to say a “diagnosis” or “disorder”. The existence of the trait of innate sensitivity was demonstrated using tests that have shown to have both internal and external validity. This is REAL!
There are different ways to be highly sensitive but the common denominator is that HSPs process sensory data much more deeply and thoroughly due to a biological difference in their nervous systems. Now while this has multiple positive effects such as being extremely perceptive, having rich and often intense internal lives it also means that HSPs are easily overwhelmed by stimuli and need “down time” to maintain their equilibrium.
The term was coined by American psychologist Elaine N. Aron and 15-20 percent of the population are HSP. That’s right. Almost one in five. This means that you either are one or that you know some people who are highly sensitive. Being highly sensitive has often been confused with innate shyness, social anxiety problems, inhibitedness, or even social phobia and innate fearfulness and introversion.
A couple of years ago I was certified in Meyers Briggs Type Indicator – a psychometric questionnaire designed to measure psychological preferences in how people perceive the world and make decisions – and I always struggles with the “Introvert -Extrovert” parameters, because it was explained to me that the introvert got their mental energy from inner psychic activity, whereas the extrovert got their mental energy from the outside world – other people. Not until I stumbled upon HSP, did I understand how one can GET mental energy from other people and at the same time have an enourmous need for time alone. 30 per cent of HSPs are – like me – extrovert!
There are different ways to be HSP: Physical sensitivity is about a low tolerance for being uncomfortable, tight clothes, strong smells, loud music, ugly surroundings (Yes, really!!), while some are sensitive to alcohol, medicine, caffeine etc.
Social sensitivity is when people react strongly on injustice and feel other people’s emotions strongly.
Finally, personal sensitivity gives people very rich inner life, strong emotions and these people are typically very pensive, reflective etc.
I used to beat myself up about the fact that I needed time to do… nothing. Just fuddyduddy about and fold some laundry and stare into thin air. I become completely childish and kindda crazy if I don’t get at least 8 hours of sleep. I couldn’t sleep for weeks when I worked in HR and I had to fire people. I get so easily overstimulated. I would get so upset about watching the news that I finally stopped. I do read the paper but I always skip any article with cruelty, sexual abuse or violence. No scary movies for me. No violence. No oil spills, no programs from Rumanian orphanages, nada like that. It just affects me to much.
On the upside: Sometimes – often – I get so happy I can barely contain it. I really do see beauty in the small things. I appreciate life enormously. I am creative and have so much FUN in life. I SEE people and I GET them (even if I don’t get who they are kissing or what they are reading…) Having to go to bed at 10 o’clock is a small price to pay for that.
Well. If you want, you can test yourself here!
There is so much more to be said on the topic and I invite you to go explore for yourself. Naturally, there are plenty of books on the topic and a simple google search will get you wiser in no time.
So there it is. I hope it makes a difference in your life. Or your child’s.
It really IS okay. YOU really are. I really am.
Woo-hoo!
Love,
CindaFuckingSensitive
PS.
I invite you to share this.
Perhaps someone else is out there feeling all wrong simply because they don’t know what they are. I now firmly believe that someone very close to me was highly sensitive. Overwhelmed by the world, he committed suicide at 21. I really, really wish he had known about this and about being OK. So please, share.
Share this!
Great piece.
Wabbit Wonders and Worries.
Seems like someone poked around in my head and developed a test around what they found in there. It would have been infinitely easier to identify the very few boxes I didn’t need to check on that test.
Then again, maybe the test is skewed for me since I am surrounded by the opposite side of the street…people with Autism who are sensitive to themselves but innately immune to others.
Or maybe … ?
Wabs here is going to go get her head shrunk now.
Great piece, excellent public service advisory!
Not to worry, Wabsy. You’re ok. In fact, you’re excellent.
With or without checked boxes.
That’s the point.
Wow. Thank you for posting. As a child, clothes were a HUGE problem. They always felt “wrong”. I would break shoelaces trying to get my shoes tight enough, and had a hard time wearing pants that didn’t have elastic waists. Drove my Mom crazy. As an adult, something as simple as going to a party can be something that will just wear me out mentally. Always thought something was just wrong with me, but it seems this is a pretty common thing.