Confessions Of A Bunny Boiler

Whaaaaat?

On the sidebar of my screen, Facebook suggests that I befriend the guy I had a psycho-crush on when I was 14. Apparently, we have 3 friends in common.

At 14 the hormone frenzy gets pretty crazy. At least it did for me.

I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I used to drive past his house. I would call him up and hang up. I knew his routines and his schedule. And BOY did I fantasize about him… (All rather vague, actually. I was a 12-year old late bloomer for Christ’s sake!) 

Ok, a bit of stalker there but Oh. My. God. I loved him. As far as I remember we never really talked… I was a bit of a fanatic yes, but although I never pulled a Glenn Close (Fatal Attraction!!) I did once find his jacket (denim!) and smelled it. (Kouros!! To this day I can’t smell that without getting a tad turned on.)

I was in 7th grade and he was in 9th. Once at a party, I watched him slow dance and kiss (!!!!!!!!!!!!) with some BITCH. Ah, I was heart broken. (And by NO means ready to be in that kind of situation myself, I would have DIED!)

So, Facebook tempts me to check him out.

Huh??

Apparently, he is now a mountain climber. As in Everest. (WTF?)

And partakes in mountain bike races.

He looks like a Navy Seal in every single picture. Still good-looking. With an annoyingly thin and beautiful “In a relationship with”.  – Also very outdoorsy-looking. (Pfff. Litteraly: Take a hike!)

Shit – it just dawned on me… Does he also get MY picture and a suggestion to befriend ME?

Gotta dash. Suddenly have a lot of photoshopping to do.

I.e. my entire life.

…

List of things to photoshop my face onto:

– Moonlanding. On Armstong, not Spaceship!

– Accepting Oscar. Something outrageious. Cher, perhaps??

– Inauguration. Obama, NOT Mrs. Bush!!

– Accepting Nobel Peace Prize. (Aung San Suu Kyy’s body shall fit my face beautifully. Better her than Al Gore! Or Arafat. That dude put the FAT in Arafat!)

…

Can’t be bothered. Am exhausted to think of all that mountain-biking and climbing. (Although there are good things to say about him being used to that sort of thing: “Hey buddy – I’ve got a mountain for you to climb!!”)

Will settle for us having 3 friends in common.

Or at least I’ll let him make the first move.