Hubby has a job that regularly takes him traveling. So then he leaves me with… everything. And never, NEVER do I love and appreciate him more, than when he is not here. When I am in his actual company I can sometimes barely stand him but when he is not there, I simply ache for him.
Hubby leaving me to run the show makes me think of all those wonderful, brave and some of them out-right heroic people I know, that are single parents.
One of the things that are though for me about being alone with our two small kids is, that all our routines are set up, so they spread out all the many tasks on both of us. So I do the lunches while he gets diaper duty. I put our breakfast while he checks the homework, etc. When he is gone, I have to establish new routines in order to be able to completely shut off my brains and do everything habitually, like we humans prefer! No to worry, it only takes a day or two. (Like today, I forgot to bring the lunchbox. Now I have to take it back there. If Hubby had been home and that had happened, at least I could blame him! I HATE when he is not here for me to blame idiotic stuff I did on… )
An acquaintance of mine was left by her boyfriend when she was expecting twins because he “couldn’t deal”. (ASSWIPE!) She raised her two boys alone and they grew up to be the most polite, well-mannered, sweet and happy boys.
One day I asked her: “How DO you do it?”
Her answer: “Two words: Consistency and consequence!”
Parents, take note! If you say no 100 times and then give in and say yes at the 101st request, you had been better off saying yes from the get-go. Otherwise, you are their bitch! They know they can change your mind if they only whine long enough if you ever give in!!
So plan ahead: Instead of automatically saying “no” (or yes, if you’re that type of parent), pause to think about it: Does it matter? Is it important?
So in that area, I think it is easier to raise a kid alone. There is only one person to ask. HOW many times haven’t I heard my 6-year old ask Hubby for something, get a no, then heard him approach me. “Mooom, can I…”
Theoretically – unless you’ve laid down the law and are completely in sync as one united front – having two people raise a kid makes for different views, opinions and rules – so my friend’s advice of consistency and consequence might be more difficult to follow.
So, single parents. I don’t envy you but I do admire you. You are amazing people and I don’t know how you do it.
I couldn’t do it. Well, I guess I could if I really had to. But I’d prefer to be a widow over being divorced. Like I told Hubby the other night, after watching that agonizing scene in Mad Men, where Don and Betty broke the sad news to the kids, that they were getting a divorce: “I would rather put up with the most incompetent, sorry ass bastard than have that conversation with my children”. I looked up and down him as I said it.
He got it.
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